The Psalms have endless evidence of the joy, peace & happiness a normal, everyday person (yes a psalmist was a human being) can receive from the riches of our Father.
And it's true!
After developing a true, loving, dependent relationship with Him,
I have felt all these things.
You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
-Psalm 4:7-9
Wouldn't we love to believe THAT WAS IT?
That all we would have to do is find ourselves in Him and establish that relationship and...
BAMMMM...
Our heart has great joy,
we get to sleep in peace,
dwell in safety,
plus he mentioned something about grains and new wine?
Awesome.
Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.
Problem is,
pslams are ALSO full of evidence showing that we will experience "cries of pain"
"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
-Psalm 130: 1-2
*I remember the first time I cried to God.
It was in college.
(*Key Word: "to God")
*Don't read that wrong.
This first time I cried in general was not in college.
Ha. Trust me.
I cried probably a thousand times before that.
To myself. In my bathroom, closet, car...
Lights off.
Dramatic set-up.
Tears a flowin.
Maybe a sad tune turned on?
But to cry "to God" is a total different experience.
Before coming to Christ, I would choose to cry to one of three people....
Myself
My sister
or my friends.
And even the latter two were difficult.
For me, it is easiest to cry to myself.
No questions, no pity, no explanations.
By myself, I could cry, sleep, get over it.
All on my own.
Why did I think this was okay?
(because I like control, that's why.)
I have no answers to give myself?
No comfort to provide?
Like what?
Yet, I perfected the art of self-pity.
Many of us do.
Then I found the different way.
Yes, "THE different way"
Not, "A different way"
THE way everyone is meant to do it.
20 years and a thousand cries later, I found it.
It was your average-Joe college morning.
Alarm off.
Lights on.
Roll out of bed.
Make food.
Look in mirror,
silent gasp.
Spend time with God.
In middle of prayer, realize I have homework to finish.
Cut "God-time" short.
After this, I go into the bathroom to wash my face
I remember looking at myself,
totally dissatisfied already with the day
Days before this moment had been hard
Really hard.
School, life and my family were in the pits.
Self-esteem low.
Overwhelmingness high.
Then my roommate walks in...
("bursts in" actually)
Please try to imagine the complete opposite of me at this point
She is happy,
extremely happy.
Alive.
Excited.
Beautiful.
Wanna know why?
She just got the "best news EVERRR!" and the boy she liked asked her to a date function.
Normally I could be totally genuinely, excited and happy for her.
This morning, not my thing
Yet somehow I managed an "OMG THIS IS THE GREATEST NEWS OF MY LIFE TOO!" face
She left.
I cried.
Not because of what she said.
Not because of any specific, singular reason.
Because I let this moment be "the tip of the iceberg"
Because I let the "Dam Gates of All that Felt Wrong in Life" open,
and the floods rush in.
Finally, I let all the past weeks' worth of feelings hit me
All I needed was seeing someone truly enjoying, loving life to realize I hadn't been for weeks.
Yet this time (as I mentioned before) was different...
I wasn't crying to myself.
I didn't call my sister for help.
I didn't SOS to my roommates that THE WORLD IS ENDING!!
I actually cried to Him.
I told Him how I was feeling.
I told Him I was sad.
I told Him I couldn't do it myself anymore.
I asked Him to make me happy again.
I begged Him to turn life around.
Crazy part...He did.
Literally,
that day.
People could say I just "convinced myself happy"
Nope.
I knew that wasn't true.
Never in my life had I had the ability to "convince myself happy"
Not a "genuine happy" at least.
You know that feeling in your innermost soul when life just feels so good?
Kinda like when the food finally gets to the table?
I held onto that constant feeling all day long...and days after that.
Being able to love the day was BACK.
And loving people was easy.
That fight with my parents was in the past.
I remembered how blessed I was for them.
I remembered how blessed I was for them.
In fact, I started again to notice all the blessings I had;
The amazing friends.
The church.
The school.
The home.
The family.
And the feeling didn't fade.
Not for awhile at least.
That's the thing.
In this world, you will have trouble
Time and time again.
That's life.
It's how we deal with our trouble that defines us
Who do we run to first?
Our friends?
Our family?
Ourselves?
How bout taking our troubles to the one who has already overcome the world?
Who has already experienced all the pain.
Who loves us so much more than to let us suffer.
If we do this, we will not grow weary
In fact, if we do this...
when we give it ALL to Him,
we may just find more strength
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