Opening the Door

"OH MY GOSH. NO NO NO WHAT?! Running sucks! Yuck."

Oh that is just the average response I get from people when I tell them I love to run. 

But don't worry...that was my first thought, too, when I started. 

I didn't come into this world loving to run. 

That's silly, who would?

In fact, when I decided in high school to try it out...I hated it.

I couldn't make it half a block without the consideration of stopping,

 without finding my first side cramp, shin splint, headache, etc., 

without wondering..."is this really worth it?"

Because that's the real-life, daily question, right?

"Is it worth it?"

We really wouldn't feel obligated to do much of anything if that something wasn't worth it.

School

Work

Getting dressed up

Going to the gym

He

She

Church

It

Is _____ really worth it?

You fill in the blank.

Sometimes we are forced to do things (dishes...yuck)

Sometimes we have a choice.

Running was my choice

Not once did anyone ever tie me down, force tennis shoes on my feet and push me out the door

I wasn't even on a team.

I didn't have the coach yelling at me from the sidelines to "KEEP IT UP, KELLY!"

I am honestly shocked I never gave it up?

But have you heard of the saying..."It doesn't get easier, you just get better."?

Exactly. 

Running was, is, and always will be difficult. 

But when something is worth it, you work for it. 

And when youre work at something, it becomes more natural. 

"OH MY GOSH. NO NO WHAT?! Christians suck. Yuck." 

Okay i've never gotten that specific response, but you get the point.

Just like running, my relationship with Jesus has always been a choice.

I was not born loving Him

However, I was born TO love Him

In fact, He created all of us to love Him...

He puts in us (whether we know it or not) a deep, longing desire to love him.

But He also made us with a certain free will...

And it is because of this "free will" that we fill that "deep, longing desire" with everything but Him.

Money, clothes, our job, our grades, that boy, the gym, etc.  

God has given us a choice 

And during the time we are deciding, "Is God really worth it?" or "Is that $200 purse really worth it?"

By our door, he waits

He knocks

He stands

He waits

It is our choice to open it.

It took me 18 or so years to fully open my life to The Lord.

I think I cracked it occasionally.

I think I pretended I had it open for awhile.  

I think sometimes I even bolted it shut. 

At first, just like running, being a Christian felt exhausting.

I just couldn't live up to what I thought a Christian should be.

I lied

I drank

I cheated

I envied

I indulged

The list actually never ends...

You name it, I probably did it. 

You name it, I probably still do.

For a long time I wanted God
I didn't know I needed Him, but I wanted Him

However, I also wanted to get my act together before letting Him in.
I wanted to be worthy of Him
To be at least a little less sinful

I wanted to say, "The waters are fine now God, you can come on in!!"

Surprise, surprise, that's not how it works

It took all my faults, troubles, sins wrapped up in a big, gross mess of a life and 20 years later for me to finally figure it out.

To find my need for Him,

to actually love Him. 

To swing my door wide open and say, "Come on in Jesus Christ, the waters are awful and the time is now!"

And finding Him this way finally brought me rest

To truly love Him was to finally satisfy my soul

And guess what?

When your door is open,

when you pursue Him above all other things,

when life becomes less about you and more about Him,
Guess what I found out?

 That deep, longing feeling...

(that feeling you and I tried/failed to satisfy with money, food, boys, grades, clothes, drinks, people)

...yeah, it's finally fulfilled.

Crazy, right?

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."

-Matthew 16:25

CAUTION:

Running to Him in love isn't easy.

Sometimes I even try to close my door

But in time I've gotten better. 

And when I do...oh gosh...

I feel better

I love better

I listen, act, speak, appreciate, give thanks...all BETTER. 

I think I might even look better?

And life just feels...not good....better. 

Fighting the Good Fight

The idea for starting this blog came by this section right here. 

Devotionals. 

I naturally wake up so dang early.

When I experienced a true & real restoration in my life this past year, I decided at some point to turn my early mornings into my official "Jesus & Me" time. 

Keep Out. 

That being said, most mornings for the past year of my life have basically always began with a cup of coffee and devotional. 

Its a different every morning. 

Sometimes I listen to a podcast sermon, sometimes I open up randomly in my bible, sometimes I read Captivating (SIDE NOTE: every girl in the world should read it)...etc. 

Sometimes I don't do anything...
I'm not perfect here

I am incredibly blessed with a missional community right in my home. 

For the past year, three of my best friends and I have been growing in faith together by sharing our daily devotionals with each other 

When God's words really speak to us, when they move us, we just HAVE to share it. 

And through one of us, all of us are encouraged.

That's how community works.

Anyways...my real hope for this blog is that one day someone may read the words He gives me and be encouraged and strengthened like I am. 

Like my friends are.

I am always dying, itching, drawn to sharing what has changed my life this year...

That only by our faith in Him is daily Joy & contentment found. 

Yet I can't tell you how often (aka everyday) I am tempted to put my faith in other things...boys, my family, my friends, exercise, boys, school, food, money, clothing, boys? And more often than not, these things disappoint me. 
Shocker. 

But I think God gets it. I think He knows His people are wired this way. 

If we weren't, why would our first commandment be to have "No God before [Him]"?

It is only because we are more prone to trust the SEEN rather than the UNSEEN. 

I want to touch it, feel it, see it, be assured it is with me. 

And that is where faith comes in. 

That is where faith develops. 

By letting go and trusting what we cannot see. 

But when I take a look down memory lane, I can see it. 

I actually marvel at what faith has done for me. 

What darkness He took me out of when I truly gave it all to Him.

What light He showed me when I gave Him the huge, heavy yoke I carried on my shoulders for years and years and years...

I'm really not THAT much of an emotional person, but sometimes I cry just thinking about it. 

And how can I just keep this to myself everyday?

Your testimony and your spiritual knowledge is something to be shared, not hidden.

So this blog is destined to be about my faith. 

About the daily knowledge I blessed with and moved by. 

It's all about "fighting the good fight of FAITH"(1 Timothy 6:12)

Before you strap on your body armor, grab your sword, and battle cry to the world, 
"THIS IS FOR YOU GOD!!!!!!"....
you should know that this isn't a fight for God. 

This isn't a battle God is telling us to jump into and wreck havoc upon. 

No, this is a fight for rest. For relaxation. And for peace. 

And I take it because honestly I'm tired of fighting.

If youre searching for a man of better faith than me, just go look at Romans 4:18. 

Abraham is the one.

Against all odds and in all circumstances he believed.

He did not just believe IN God, but believed God. 

That's most of our problem. Yeah we believe God, but do we really trust in what He says?

What God said, Abraham believed.

God said, "Hey Abraham, you're 100 years old, you are probably aching all over and your wife's womb is dead but youre gonna start a new nation! Okay?"

Makes no sense to believe, right?

Abraham did.

"...in hope against hope he believed"

That is faith. 

When God tells you something, 

when He offers one thousand promises in the bible, 

when He says He will move the mountains, 

when He tells you to come to Him all who are weary and you will find rest...

Faith is believing Him.

It will happen.

It did for me. 

Promise after promise after promise, we need to hear it and say Amen.

That my friends, is Faith.